Pick your battles…
“You can’t change people.” “You can’t change a cheater.” “You can’t make anyone do anything they don’t want to.” These creeds are preached to us on the daily, so why do we still make a conscious effort to defy them? Satisfaction? Badge of glory? Women try to challenge these laws of the land all the time and where do we end up?
We will take ourselves through the pits of hell and high water to achieve happiness or at least appear that way. We much rather force something than accept a situation. We will pick up the most ratchet thug and want him to give up his thuggish ways, so we will devise plans a, b, c and jump through rings of fire to make him conform to our wants. We want so bad to make him worth the trouble that we forget…. You can’t change people. 9 times out of 10 the stress we go through behind a man is because we are so focused on trying to change him. We fail to realize that it’ll NEVER work, he’s a grown man. Solution? Try growing with him, or let it go.
Change. We make an attempt to remold men like they aren’t grown and their foundation isn’t already laid. Then the tears and headache follow when the mission is failed. Let’s look at the cheater. We “take” him from his misses, yet expect him to make us his one and only THEN have the nerve to be mad when there’s another ‘other’ and want to act out scenes from Waiting to Exhale. Cut it out. You can’t change a cheater. YOU chose to deal with that, so why are you mad at HIM for being him?! Why do you want to change him now when it was okay before? You knew what you were getting yourself into. Women want everyone else to “accept me for me”, but we are steady fighting, crying, acting out and carrying on to change someone else? If he’s content, he’s content and there isn’t a thing we can do about it. Try to change him and you will end up mad every time the outcome doesn’t go your way.
Developing. As you bond, of course you’ll notice some things you don’t like about him and vice versa. Relationships consist of a lot of give and take, compromising, and improvement. When there is a disruption, discussing whatever the issue is and both parties partaking in a way to right the wrong is growth. People have to WANT to improve themselves first. You can’t make anybody do anything they don’t want to. So the key is HE has to want it and it doesn’t matter how bad you want it for him. Not you, him. Once he’s ready, he’ll allow it. This is NOT straight up changing someone. It’s bettering them, building together upon what has already been established. I better you, you better me. When things are done cohesively, good things haphazardly occur anyhow.
If you can’t change a situation, you change the way you view/handle it. So when we hit the crossroads in relationships, we have to make one of two choices because changing someone is just NOT an option. A. Deal with it. Or B. Exit stage left. If you take route A, you have to ask yourself can you handle it? If you choose to deal, that means you are adjusting YOU as well, not just them. And if/when it crashes you CANNOT be upset with HIM. This is your doing… Route B. Well, no explanation is necessary but don’t dub him “his ain’t shit ass” when it’s all said and done. Again, that was your doing.
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